On #Me Too

I've seen a lot of stories in relation to the "Me Too" that has been trending.  I've seen a lot of people tell stories that they may not have told before.  I've seen commonalities in those stories that I hadn't thought of before.  I've told my story and had to deal with emotions that it's dredged up.  I've realized that even now with my added experience I'm still worried that the man in question will read it and be upset with me, and that makes me upset.  I shouldn't care what he thinks.

My story took place when I was working tech support in my early 20s.  It was the first non food service or retail job I'd had.  I still had medical issues from a long run of Mono that hadn't been appropriately diagnosed.  It was a job that wasn't too physically stressful for my recovering body.  It was a job that I was good at.  From early on I was giving the Mac training classes despite the fact that I was a front line agent.  I was often tasked with moving around the floor and answering questions that other agents had rather than taking calls.  Then I was offered a promotion to tier 2.  Tier 2 was the agents that one would talk to when the front line agents couldn't figure out what was wrong or it was too complicated for what they were allowed to do.

I was happy with my promotion.  It wasn't much extra money, but it was a consistent schedule instead of a changing schedule.  Knowing from week to week what I would be working was a huge perk for me.  Unfortunately it also came with a supervisor that had no respect for women.  He enjoyed having his "girls" work for him.  He would say inappropriate things to us.  He would look at me in ways that made me uncomfortable.  At one point he even instituted an associate of the month award that came with lunch on him.  It was the most awkward lunch of my life.  The next month no one heard about the award again.  It wasn't subtle and other people had to see what was going on.

For my part I made excuses.  I told people that it didn't bother me.  It was just words and he never tried to get physica so it was alright.  The truth of the matter is that even though it was just words it wasn't alright.  Despite the fact that I was very good at my job I found myself questioning if I received the promotion because I deserved it, or if it was just because I was a girl.  I'm not responsible for what he did, but I wish I had had the tools then that I have now to deal with it.  Instead of making excuses and lying about it being alright I should have gone to HR.  People in the department would have backed me up if I had, but I was young and afraid.  I thought that I would lose my job if I went to HR.  I now know that even though that's not impossible, with the witnesses that I had it would have been unlikely.  I didn't know that then though.  All I knew then was that I had rent to pay and that was more important than my dignity.  That was more important than feeling proud of my job.  Even though women aren't responsible for what other people do, they need to be given the tools at an early age to handle these things if they happen.